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Linnea

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(no subject) [Apr. 14th, 2011|10:14 pm]
Linnea
I’m jealous of people who can still hang out with Josh without the weight of history crushing every interaction. I’m jealous of the uncomplicated smiles he gives other girls. Of the way he laughs without effort or distraction with them. I’m jealous of a time when I didn’t know how selfish he can be. A time when I still thought he was better than everybody else, that he played fair, that he loved me in the way that I should be loved. I know there is nothing he can say to erase the harm he’s done. It’s over. The sweet, uncomplicated affection and familiarity we shared is buried beneath a million layers of sordid lies, beneath so many misty mornings I’ve spent crying in bed, cramped up from not eating, looking at pictures of him and Nikki or Emily or whoever else and knowing that no retreat is possible. I could forgive transgressions but not lies. I looked him in the face and asked him if he was hooking up with Nikki and he looked at me with his fucking dewy childish stare and denied it. To hell with them both. I’m so done with making excuses for people so that I can still keep them intact, honored and elevated. They aren’t worth my forgiveness. I offered it once and they spat on it.
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(no subject) [Dec. 6th, 2010|05:42 am]
Linnea
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


This journal is friends only but if you comment I'll add you almost 100% of the time.
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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2009|09:25 pm]
Linnea
And then he clutches my back-his fingers spread out like winter-stricken tree branches. Touch reawakens my spinal cord. I am brought back into the world through his tongue. Above me like a blind plough horse, the grotesque reemergence. He makes me good again with each kiss. His sweat is like holy water. I see myself becoming worthy through his eyes. He shows me there is still truth, hope, a path out of these woods. No condoms and dirty words. This softness. Our hands drifting like lily pads over each other. We move as through a dream. My sad eyes through the dark. His hardness pressed against my back, kissing me softly as though tentative in the joy of this permission. He strokes me like something small and fragile, his hands on my side, the places where I fold. He smooths my feet like a Hindi bride. He anoints me with henna. "You have a girlfriend." "I know. I don't like my girlfriend." That means nothing. Beside me on a step, two scared children at the edge of the primordial dark. He buys me a purple frog. He kisses my forehead. What am I but the dark seductress? The girl with the witchy eyes crouched in the corner of the woods?
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(no subject) [Apr. 20th, 2009|11:39 am]
Linnea
I show great loyalty to the hard things I've been through
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(no subject) [Mar. 30th, 2009|08:36 pm]
Linnea
If I needed you would you come to me?
Would you come to me for to ease my pain?
If you needed me I would come to you.
I would swim the seas for to ease your pain.
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(no subject) [Mar. 30th, 2009|04:04 pm]
Linnea
I'm HIV free.

But I got rejected from Reed.
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(no subject) [Mar. 27th, 2009|07:14 pm]
Linnea
I got rejected from Bard. Fuck my life.

Edit: I was so trashed that I have absolutely no recollection of writing this entry. Fuck my life twice.
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(no subject) [Mar. 15th, 2009|09:26 pm]
Linnea
all we do our whole lives is go from one little piece of Holy Ground to the next
-salinger
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(no subject) [Mar. 15th, 2009|01:59 am]
Linnea
wtf

my dog ate my pot
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(no subject) [Feb. 20th, 2009|04:09 am]
Linnea
Well, I'm almost certainly into Reed and Hampshire.

The Blow are amazing.

And I just drank beer and smoked resin with Hunter. And watched a movie about AIDS with an adorable child in it.
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